Doctor Who FanFic - The Thirteenth Doctor in Kerblam! This Time it's Personal

SimplyWho
Jul 4
9 min read

This time it's personal!

The Doctor with her back to camera looking at Yaz and Ryan talking to Yaz's family in a kitchen

The Doctor watched Yaz hug her dad and gave her an approving grin. Ryan was digging into the vast selection of food on offer.

"Right then, fam and Yaz's fam, you lot have some catching up to do, and I need to see a man about a parcel. Not an actual parcel, but a man who sorts parcels, well, not really, but anyway, I have a job to do. I'll be back in the morning. Oh, and I just borrowed your phone. I’ll pay you back, promise."

"Doctor, where are you going?" Yaz replied, peeking over the shoulder of her dad, who hadn't let her go yet.

"I'm going to give someone a wedding gift," the Doctor said, crinkling her face, and with that, she turned and walked out the door.

The Doctor ran her hand through her blonde hair and set the TARDIS on course for Aqua Marina. For once, the Doctor landed exactly where she wanted, and she patted the console unit as if to say thank you. She wasn't here to mess around - get in, deliver a present, get out.

She wondered whether to dress up or not. She was going to a wedding, after all. But after a flicker of thought, she shrugged her shoulders, grabbed two bags and stepped out of the TARDIS onto the glass bridge that stretched across the vast ocean before her. She took a moment to enjoy the view. The water was choppier than the last time she was here, and water crashed onto the glass, making it slippery.

She carefully walked along the glass towards a shimmering city plonked right in the middle of the ocean. The city was glass as well - everything was glass. The buildings, the trees, the cars, even the insects. Tiny glints in the blazing sun. She held out her hand, admiring one that landed on it. She let out an impressed sigh as she studied the insects inside, all seen through its clear glass skin.

"Oh, you are beautiful," the Doctor said, opening her hand to let the insect fly back into the sky.

Eventually, the Doctor got to the city. She shoved her hands in her coat pockets as she marched towards the glass church, which sat almost like a gateway to the rest of the city. She rolled her eyes at the writing across it. Flunk Church, just 500 gallons a worship. She surveyed the other buildings around her. Flunk News was just 100 gallons an article, Flunk School was 200 gallons per lesson, and Flunk Police Station was apparently 50 gallons a call-out.

The Doctor saw rows and rows of tents scattered in front of the city, all painted an array of colours. Nearly every one had holes and cracks in them, splintered like spider webs, their fragile frames battered and beaten.

"Can you spare any gallons, miss?" a voice whispered, followed by a chorus of the same line, over and over, from every tent. A small boy looked up at her hopefully.

The Doctor gave the boy a sympathetic smile, handing him one of the bags she was carrying. He looked up at her, as if asking for permission to open it. She nodded her head gently.

The boy unzipped the bag and gave a sharp intake of breath. Inside were sheet after sheet of glass disks, each one with a tiny chip inside and a red number 1 on them. The Doctor always found it funny that gallon numbers always looked like the numbers you would see on an alarm clock on Earth.

"That's a lot of gallons, isn't it?" the Doctor asked as the boy nodded enthusiastically. "Three thousand and thirty-five gallons, to be precise," she continued.

The boy looked at her, stunned.

"Ignore the Flump face on them. Now, I am trusting you to make sure everyone here gets at least one." The Doctor spread her arms out wide, looking at the beaten tents.

"Thank you, miss," the boy chimed.

"Just the Doctor, actually," she said, ruffling his hair before walking towards the church.

A small crowd was gathered outside, and the Doctor shimmied her way through them before reaching the front gate, which was guarded by two large glass security guards.

"Joan Smith, head flower arranger," she said with a beaming smile, and waltzed in before they had time to reply.

The Doctor looked around the vast surroundings of the church, glass gravestones twinkled in the sunlight and delicate bouquets of flowers littered their surroundings. Beyond the graves stood the church, it was an impressive building. The water from the ocean pumped around it through glass pipes, the water casting all sorts of shadows and swirls on the grand building.

A Kerblam man. Robot like, holding a box

The Doctor stepped through the crystal archway of the church doors and was greeted by a row of TeamMates, or as she liked to call them, Kerblam men. Behind the TeamMates, the church looked obscene. It had been decorated for the CEO of Kerblam, Beff Sojez, and his soon-to-be wife, Carat Miner.

Glass chandeliers the size of cars dangled from the ceiling, each made of a thousand teardrop-shaped panes, every one glowing a soft red powered by some vastly expensive source. The aisle was a moving walkway of shimmering golden panels, programmed to gently pulse beneath every step like ripples on a lake. Pillars of sculpted diamond glass twisted toward the vaulted ceiling, etched with depictions of Beff Sojez’s achievements. The Doctor rolled her eyes at each lie they told.

The pews were lined with guests clad in the finest glitter-fabric, their outfits encoded with nano-lights that sparkled every time they moved. Orchestra drones floated silently in a high orbit around the space, playing a haunting, overly dramatic piece meant to sound like elegance, but soaked in gaudy arrogance.

At the far end of the aisle stood an altar, raised on a levitating glass platform, beneath a dome of refracted rainbow light. And there, already fussing with her veil, stood Carat Miner, her face unfamiliar even to those who’d known her for years. She had undergone so many surgical enhancements, adjustments, and cosmetic overhauls that the woman beneath was barely recognisable, even to herself. The Doctor wondered if her face might melt from all the heat of the lights in this place.

Next to Carat, Beff Sojez preened. He wore a suit of shimmering liquid metal, his pockets lined with platinum trim. The pair stood below a huge cross, and the Doctor found herself rolling her eyes again, looking at the red digits that flashed across it. Sojez's net worth, gallon by gallon, ticking up by the second. Flaunting his money in the most disgusting way. The richest man in the universe, and the most repulsive. His eyes scanned the room with bored contempt, his smile was more sneer than celebration.

The Doctor moved quickly through the throng, flashing her fake credentials to the digital ushers. She stopped just behind the stage, where Beff’s assistant, a nervous young woman named Talla, stood clutching a briefcase and whispering into her earpiece.

“Mr. Sojez expects the transfer immediately after the vows,” she hissed, then jumped as the Doctor tapped her shoulder.

“Lovely day for a transfer, isn’t it?” the Doctor grinned, her voice low. “I’ve got a present.”

Without waiting for a response, the Doctor stepped up to Sojez and offered him a bag. The crowd murmured, and security guards readied themselves. The Doctor unzipped the bag and showed Sojez the contents.

"Three thousand and thirty-five gallons, my gift to you, Mr. Sojez," the Doctor said, handing him the bag.

He scoffed. “Why would I need that?”

“Give it away if you don't need it. My mate, Donna, she won the lottery at her wedding, gave the lot away. You wouldn't notice it like her though,” the Doctor said flatly.

He took the bag without a word and passed it over his shoulder to Talla.

“Send them to my vault. Immediately.”

Talla hesitated.

“Did I stutter?” he said sternly.

She nodded and sent the command. The bag vanished in a glimmer of light.

The Doctor gave him a grin. "You're very welcome."

She turned and walked back to the seats, apologising profusely as she wedged herself between two stuffy-looking women. The church went silent, and a voice boomed out.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate and witness the holy union of Beff and Carat..."

The Doctor stifled a yawn as she looked up at the counter, still ticking up and up. He had earned more than the entire planet did in a week since the Doctor had entered the church. Click - she noticed her gift added to the total.

The ceremony continued, and the Doctor began to fidget, much to the annoyance of those around her. People tutted and sighed.

"Hurry up, mate," the Doctor muttered under her breath.

“If anyone here has cause why this couple should not be joined in eternal matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Finally, the Doctor thought, as she used her sonic in her pocket. The church was silent but for a couple of coughs. Everything was still. The Doctor closed her eyes tightly. There it was, a mumbling, the beginning of a sound the Doctor had got used to. A commotion was brewing.

She opened her eyes and looked up at the cross. The crowd began to talk, voices becoming more animated. The counter was beginning to count down. Sojez's net worth was falling. Rapidly.

Sojez and Miner stared open-mouthed at the counter.

The Doctor stepped forward to address the crowd.

"Whoops!"

Everyone turned to look at the Doctor.

"You really should check the small print, mate," she looked up at the cross, the figures tumbling down.

Beff took a step toward her, his face red.

"What have you done?" he growled.

"Nothing. Well, maybe a little something. I gave you a gift; you didn't take my advice. I knew you wouldn't take my advice." The Doctor took a breath before continuing. "Do you ever take a moment to look out your window? Sat in your tower, high above, whilst people struggle below you? Do you ever think that maybe your greed is causing this? Do you ever think about anything other than gallons?"

The Doctor was met with a shrug.

"Thought not," the Doctor said with a frown.

She turned to face the crowd, the swirling light casting a fury across her face. “Beff Sojez has hoarded more wealth than a hundred planets combined while people scrape glass shards off the street for food. Kerblam has poisoned entire workforces with their quotas and surveillance. You think it’s a company? It’s a cage. One where people are forced to smile while starving, just to keep a job.”

The Doctor paced across the front of the church now as she addressed the crowd. She was in full flow.

"I took the liberty to speak to your friend the President earlier, gave him a quick call. He's just like you, actually. Greedy, selfish, and luckily for me, thick!"

"Men like him, well, they will do anything when a lady is praising them, won't they? They are so easy to mold. I just told him what a great job he was doing, and then told him to send me some of his Flump coins."

The Doctor was savoring the moment.

"Trouble is, those Flump coins are only really made to benefit him, but you know that already, don't you? They milk everything from people’s accounts to line his own pockets. I just tinkered a little with the algorithms. All you have to do is share. If you share, you are rewarded."

The numbers on the cross were shooting down now, tumbling their way to zero.

"Now, as much as I dislike you, I wasn't overly keen on him either, so I've just spread a few truths around, and he is being overthrown as we speak."

Beff looked at her with wide eyes, like a rabbit in the headlights. The Doctor watched him trying to form words, but he couldn't.

"So," the Doctor carried on, "his money will now be dispersed to the people of this planet, who were all given a choice as well. They probably didn't read the small print either, but that's not the point. Not if they have done what I think they will have done. If they have taken the choice I think they have, each coin they have will be slowly but surely ticking up. They will be sharing your wealth and his wealth. Good, eh?"

Gasps echoed through the church.

The Doctor looked at Carat. "Not so hot now, is he?"

As the counter hit zero, the Doctor raised a hand in the air and clicked her fingers. The air in the church swirled, and the TARDIS appeared around the Doctor.

The door creaked open, and the Doctor stuck her head out of it.

“He has sat in his glass tower dictating how others should live, but has never once done a fraction of what he demands from them. He tells you to give while taking everything. He tells you to recycle, whilst he pollutes. Today, he’s finally been made to share, and not by choice. Every gallon he hoarded is now in the hands of the people.”

A roar rose from outside. The city was in celebration.

"See ya!" the Doctor cheerily said as she closed the door.